What's the Point?

What's the point of this post? None really except to let off some steam. What about? Hmmm, where do I start? I turn 29 this weekend and I'm still single. I turn 29 this weekend and I don't have a degree worth anything career wise. I turn 29 this weekend, but yet I have 5 more years until I can get the master's I want, with 3 more years until I can have a degree that will get me a decent job. I turn 29 this weekend and the only really good friend I have that hangs out with me is in Montana, which I can't get to because I'm 29, with a degree that isn't worth anything in the career world, so I have a car that can't get me there because I can't afford to fix it.

I turn 29 this weekend, and because I'm single, I have no one to come home to that will greet me at the door. I have no one to snuggle up to when I feel like I do now. I have no one to tell how my day went or to give a hug to. I turn 29 this weekend and because I'm single, I don't have any kids to play with or to tell stories to or to watch grow up when I see all my friends and even family members with their own families... some with 3-4 kids already. As much as I love to see how the families of these friends and family are progressing, because I turn 29 this weekend and I'm single, it also hurts to see these things and makes me wonder when is it my turn?

When will the dating games end? I suppose this whole thing started because of this girl again. We went to another movie tonight. Last night while talking on the phone, I asked if she would be in town this weekend. She said yes. I asked if she wanted to come over for dinner and she said she would like to but her sisters would be in town. I told her what I would make would feed 4 so they could come too. Today after the movie I asked about it again and she said she didn't think it would be a good idea because she thinks she needs to spend time with her sisters.

I must admit, and you can see it in my writing above, that I wasn't happy. Here I thought things were going good, but today, I got nothing from her and even got rejected. After writing the first 3 paragraphs of this post, I called her out of frustration. Something I shouldn't have done, but I'm glad I did. When she answered her phone, all of the things I was thinking abandoned me and I was left with a blank. It was a good thing too though. After a long pause from the blank, I told her that I shouldn't have called, but she said I couldn't do that. I was calm by then, but I couldn't think of what to say. I was finally able to gather my thoughts and I was able to have a good conversation with her about were we stood with each other. Through 40 minutes of talking, I understood from her that she is conflicted in herself about what she wants with me. She did make it clear that it is not me and that she does want to spend more time with me. The confliction is that she doesn't know where she stands because of various "stresses" of life and that she wants more time to get to know me better and to just take it slow until she can make a decision about what to do.

I also got an explanation for the reasons why it seemed to be dying with her and then suddenly picked up when I invited her to sit with me in church. She said when I asked her after the 2nd date if she wanted to go on more and she said maybe, she admitted to me in the call that she was thinking it wasn't going to work. Then, she said summer started and she realized that she didn't know anybody. She said for some reason she started to think of me and realized that she didn't give me a chance and that she doesn't really know me that well and that's when I asked her to sit with me.

Anyway, I suppose writing this post was a good thing. I talked to her and now I feel a lot better. I guess the guessing game was too much, but now it is resolved. Next time you get mad or frustrated about something, might I suggest you write something about "What's the Point."